Story © Camio 2003

Part 1 of the Guardians Series

I looked up suddenly shocked by his statement, but to late, the pairing was complete. It was as if I was caught in a snare. A snare lain by the young vixen.

It had been nearly a month since we had left and once again I was left guarding my newly appointed mate as she slept. Thankfully she had not yet made it to her time and we could not mate. I don’t know how I would have been able to face her. She may not be as big as I may be, but she was by far more aggressive and more willing to force her way than I was. The idea of mating with Leina before we found a safe home to begin a family was impossible for me to contrive.

Lying on the dirt I watched my companion’s chest rise and fall as she breathed, apparently deep in slumber. Her slender body was curled up into a tight ball of russet-colored fur, her tail flicking of its own accord. Suddenly she stirred and let out a soft moan, "Mock -koff- is that you?"

I quickly got up and bounded to her side. "Yes," I growled, licking her ear. "Leina, are you alright?"

Leina cooed softly and nuzzled me. She suddenly pulled her snout away from me and yawned deeply. "What are you afraid of? It won’t be my time for another week. I know you are uncomfortable around me, but you have to understand! I love you!" she said.

I looked straight into her eyes at the mention of ‘THAT’ word and there was something in her gaze that warmed me as if her eyes let out small rays of warmth. Looking away quickly, I growled, "There is no such thing as love."

Before Leina could say anything more I turned around, signaling that the talk was over. Leina began whimpering and it sounded so full of pain, it was as if she had been fatally wounded and lay dying slowly alone in an unfamiliar place. The sound was so heart-wrenching to hear, and strangely I felt it in me as if it had a physical force. I broke out in a frantic run, desiring more and more to get away from the painful sound and, yet, the feeling had been so profound that I did not know what to make of it. Now I was in conflict with myself as well as Leina. My head swam with memories and as I came to a stop by a stream I looked at my reflection in the cool, dark water. The memories seemed to surge up from the water itself as if there was a great flood occurring. Memories of friends, childhood, my family--all of the memories seemed to swirl with my reflection in the water. I let out a loud scream from the depth of my memories of everything that had happened, every single feeling of pain and loss; of betrayal and deception; of friends and family lost. All I had left now was Leina, and now the pond seem to swirl and I thought I could see Leina’s whimpering form in the icy depths. I realized that without her my entire existence was meaningless. That was the reason why everyone was so astonished when she had picked me when she had first reached her time. I had just been added to the tribe of foxes and I was so peculiar to all of them that they left me well alone. They thought me strange for not desiring any friends, I just didn’t feel like I wanted any friends at the time. Then I was branded an outcast and everyone shunned me and no one talked to me or did anything with me. Whenever Leina was seen around me I would be chased away from her by another male. They made it clear that I was the fox that no one cared about, the one that did not really exist. Remembering my short time with the tribe and everything that led up to the pairing I began to see more clearly the events that had transpired. Leina had truly wanted me from the beginning. She had not been put up as a sacrifice to get rid of me as politely as possible, after all it was not her style to do what she did not want to. More so it probably had not been her desire to leave the tribe but, she was forced to when she wanted to be paired with me. This belief made heat wash through my body and I felt a warmth that I had not felt since I had been a pup in my mother’s care. The feeling was so powerful that it drove me back to Leina’s side without slowing. When I reached her she was still whimpering, only it was a little less than before and slightly quieter but just as mournful. Lying down beside her I nuzzled her soft fur with my damp nose. "You came back!" she whimpered through closed eyes.

Saying nothing she drifted off to a sleep far deeper than the one before and was kept warm through the heat our two bodies gave off together.

Morning arose and the sun crept slowly into the sky, splashing a wide variety of colors across the grassy hillsides. I had nodded off a few times during the night, but I wanted to see, above all else, the dawn. Now as the new day truly began, the light conquered the darkness giving way for life to progress and I smiled for my new life had begun with the rising of the sun. I sat up next to the prone figure of Leina, still sleeping. It seemed strange to me; the thought of settling down and starting a family, a final end to my wanderings. It had been such a long time since I had stayed in a place long enough to call home. Leina and I had been traveling a month since leaving the tribe, and I had only been with the tribe a month before the ceremony. The sleeping body uncurled from the small red ball of fur she had become during the night and stretched out and yawn laboriously showing her glistening teeth to the sun. Looking up at me she smiled and just looked completely happy and content. The happiness seemed simple but questionable; not normally would anyone be happy in a situation like ours. But just seeing Leina smiling made me return her look. This was also the first time in a long while that I was actually able to return the look of happiness back to her. I knew, somehow, that we would be happy wherever we end up. Together, we got up and began to slink away towards the rising sun. The day slowly passed without any incident.

As the sun had risen the sun must begin to set and the darkness once again must enclose the world. We had been traveling far and were very tired. Along the way we tried to find the best location to sleep in, but none had seemed safe enough for us both to sleep, for I was tired from endless walking and staying up to protect Leina. A little after dusk, in the pale light from the moon, we found a cave. Without bothering to check anything around it we just strode in and lay beside each other. Finally after the much toiling day we were able to drift off to sleep in the warmth and comfort of each other.

I woke with a start and listened hard. Ever so faintly I could hear a sound, the sound of water cascading on rocks. At first I thought nothing of it guessing it was just rain. But then I noticed that there was no smell of rain, there was something else making that sound. Not knowing what it was I recoiled from Leina and hissed softly, my red fur standing on end. Suddenly Leina woke up. What had woken her was of little concern to me and I took no notice of it. She stood up next to me and mimicked my reaction, adding her hiss. Then another sound came to my ears, somewhere within the depth of the cavern came a sound of dripping water. This new sound frightened us even more and without a second more we dashed away and out of the cave. We charged through the dense wood, through which we had trotted peacefully through the day before, in blind earnest. The dimly lit morning gave us barely enough light to run, but we continued for a distance until we had lost sight of the cave in the darkness. Turning back around we stared straight-ahead, ears twitching, tails flicking, and noses sniffing, searching for a pursuer. Without moving we stayed in that position until the sun was high in the sky.

As soon as I felt that the danger had passed I relaxed my body and fell limp on the soil beneath my paws. Leina still stood there shivering; waiting for the source of the noise to materialize right in front of her. "Leina," I said, "It’s alright. Just relax."

She didn’t move, the only change would be in her hissing; she had stopped and was now whimpering in cold fear. I got up and nuzzled her neck hoping to settle her down, but she would not be comforted. Lightly I nipped at the skin of her neck; not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough to gain her attention. Leaping around violently she faced me and her whimper turned into a growl that she directed at me as if I were the predator. Through clenched teeth she yelled, "Leave me alone!"

Instead of attacking me, as I would have thought she would have, she turned right back around and charged in the direction from whence we had fled. I was breathing heavily from the fear that she had struck me with, the fear I had faced in the dark, and I was unable to follow just yet. A few minutes later, after I had regained some of my strength and bravery I took off after her, following her careless footprints through the muck. Very soon, as I realized, I was nearing the cave where we had spent the night. I also noticed that her tracks were less far apart as if she had slowed down into a walk. Seeing this as a time to catch up to her I raced over tree and limb, always following the trail she led. The trail that she had made turned uphill.

This hill was unusually steep and very rocky, I was thankful for the lack of rain because there would have been no way for Leina to scale the hill and survive; it would have been too slippery. All the climbing had taken a toll on my stamina and every few steps I would have to stop and pant heavily. Having not had a drink since the day before I was also very thirsty. On one of the occasions that I stopped, I sniffed the air and caught the scent of blood. At first I was frightened by the smell because in all possibility it could be Leina’s blood. But the scent did not smell of fox or predator, and I felt my stomach growl at the thought of a meal. That was when I realized how hungry I was. If it were not for the fact that I feared for Leina’s life I would have laid down and died there, but I persisted up the steep hill. When the trail began to level out again I could feel hope seize my body and I howled gleefully as I looked down at my climb. As I fell, sprawled out on the ground exhausted, a thought occurred to me, on the way up I had not noticed Leina’s path to change. She had never stopped to rest and as I looked up at the tree canopy I saw that the sun was directly above me. Not only had Leina never stopped to rest she had been traveling for half a day.

I had been following her tracks from the peak of the hill for about an hour. The trail had twisted and curved, and at some points I had found myself back at the edge of the hill. My ears perked up on their own when they heard the pounding water. Suddenly the fear I had felt in the night came back over me and I slowly began to shrink away from the noise. But I could see that Leina’s prints led straight towards the noise and I followed them unquestioningly.

By now the sound of the water was immense, although I could not see the source, I could feel the pounding of water upon water and soon I could see a small cloud of precipitation in front of me. I could feel my hind legs beginning to stiffen and my tail stopped wagging, the same fear had taken hold on me. Limping, I continued following Leina’s trail right through the cloud of mist. The cloud of mist obscured my vision and I was rendered helpless. All I could do now was walk straight ahead, hoping that she had done the same. Luckily, for me, she had, and as soon as I had left the mist I turned my head back to the soil of the earth and her tracks. Accidentally I stumbled on a rock and was sent spinning. Instead of landing on solid earth, I landed in water. Feeling foolish I swam back the way I had fallen and tried to pull myself up the side of the pool. However, the side of the pool was too steep and slippery. Not wanting to waste energy I admitted defeat and I began to swim to the other side of the lake where it would not be so steep. I cursed myself for all my sliding around had washed away Leina’s paw prints. As I pulled myself out of the water I looked up from the ground and for the first time I looked at the pool of water. On the other side of the pool was a rocky cliff dripping from the giant waterfall that lay, seemingly, centered, which was where I had slipped and fallen into the lake. The water looked clean and clear, reflecting the twilight sky on its surface. It wasn’t very deep at the place where I had crawled out, but I could tell that the center and far ends, where I had fallen, were far deeper than I ever want to find out. Once again I felt my thirst deep in my dry throat and trotted to the edge of the crystal blue pool. As I lapped at the clear liquid, there was a sudden flash of red and I looked up quickly. Through the gloom and falling water I could see a red patch of which the owner’s form remained distorted by the falling water. I was overjoyed when I connected the red patch to the fur of a red fox and lastly to Leina. Not wanting her to disappear as quickly as she had appeared I dashed around the edge of the pool. As I came around I saw that there was a small space behind the waterfall with enough space to walk through. The rising moonlight shone on the figure standing alone behind the waterfall.

I felt my heart leap in my chest as I saw Leina, but there was something different about her. As if she had completely changed since I had seen her last. Her fur reflected the pale moonlight from the small drops of water that jumped from the falls on to her fur. She shook her body and the small specks of the water flew from her coat. As if she had just noticed me, she looked into my eyes and I stared back at her with ferocity to equal her own. Then she bolted into a dark alcove lying behind the waterfall. At first look I had failed to notice a cave of any kind, but then as I looked from behind the waterfall the cave was clear. I tried, to no avail, to figure out where Leina had disappeared to, but the dimness of the lightless cave combined with the mist of droplets from the pounding falls made it impossible to determine where she was or if she was even in there. Sniffing at the ground I probed the entrance to the darkness with my nose trying to find a trail of some kind. Luck, however, was not in my favor. There was a heavy smell of damp rock and moss, which made it impossible for me to find a trace of Leina. Every trace that she had left had dematerialized with her when she ducked into the cave. My heart weighed heavily in my chest, to have come so far and find her, only to lose her again was too much for me to take. Without further thought I hurled myself into the darkness of the cave calling out for her. "Leina! Leina, please come back! I can't live without you! Please, don't leave me again!"

Suddenly I was knocked down from the side and quickly pinned. I put up all the resistance I could, but whatever had gotten me had easily overpowered me and was not letting me up. It was too dark in the cave for me to see the assailant who had pinned me on my back, but as my eyes adjusted to the dimness I was able to make out the familiar shape of a fox. The voice breathing heavily inches from my muzzle confirmed my suspicions, even though the voice was masked by a hidden wanting. The voice spoke, "Mock."

I had been broadsided by Leina and now she was positioned over me in such a way that just one sharp thrust of her hips would rob us both of our innocence. As I thought of what might happen Leina began pressing against me, moving her hips in such away as to entice me, to get me to satisfy both our black desires. Now I realized why she had been so moody, why she had run from me; she was in heat. Something began to happen to me and I felt myself being drawn to her, wanting her heat, her warmth, the feeling of her against me. With all the strength I could muster I resisted the desire to eliminate the space between us and begged her, "Leina. Please! Don't do this to me, I love you, but... Please. There are other ways I can satisfy you without doing this. If we do this you'll be with child. We could not travel anymore; you would be weighted down by the extra weight of our litter. Please..."

Leina did not acknowledge that she had heard me, but her claws ceased to prick my fur. She then looked at me. There was something different in the way she looked at me, there was definitely a difference to the way she looked at me until then. it was no longer filled with desire, but passion. Her gaze seemed to have a physical force behind it; to me it seemed full of warmth and acceptance. "Mock," she sighed, "This is where I want to have my kits. This is where I want to raise them; this is the place. The waterfall hides this small cave, it's protected and... I... I am not like you. All this traveling; moving from place to place, from day to day. I want have kits, I want to have them with you, and I want to have them here."

"I am done traveling," she finished moving off me.

Rising to my paws I looked at her and followed her out of the cave. "Look, Mock!" she said as we left the cave and emerged from behind the waterfall. "Everything we need is here. Everything we want is here. Everything I want is here," Leina looked at me and for the first time I knew exactly what she felt, because I felt the same as her.

Then her eyes changed, they reverted to the way they had looked before, in the cave. Trying to calm her I brushed lightly against her and whispered in her ear, "Yes, but not tonight, let us just sleep."

Leina brushed against me in response and trotted back into the cave to sleep.

I, for the most part, slept fitfully through the night. The sounds made by the waterfall had a calming effect on me. And when I woke the next morning to the sounds of birdcalls and pounding water I felt happy. The peacefulness of the world around me, my lover lying, still asleep, next to me, it was everything life should be. I remained lying there next to Leina for a few minutes listening to her peaceful breathing as her flanks rose with each given breath. The light from the rising sun fell through the falls creating little dancing beams of pale gold sunlight. Slowly I rose to my four feet and looked out through the waterfall across the lake. In my heart I knew that Leina was right. I, too, felt the area around me to be safe. It seemed the absolute perfect place to raise a family. Yet, something, somewhere inside of me, was urging me to take off. To take off and run as fast as I could over rivers, mountains, hills, and streams. Over vast deserts, and grasslands, through forest, and thicket, never once stopping for anything, whether it be physically or emotionally painful. It seemed to tell me to forget everything and run. However, it seemed to me as if it were instinct, bred into me by my parents and ancestors. If it had been before I had fallen for Leina, I may have listened, but another instinct urged me to disbelieve the existence of love. That instinct had been drilled into me ever since I had left Home. ‘Love does not exist,’ I thought.

It was wrong and I knew it, my feelings for Leina were more than enough to prove that instinct false, and not to be trusted. So, I paid no attention to the ceaseless nagging of my instincts and proceed forth out of the cave, through the falls, and out into the sun of the crisp autumn day.

The water was cool on my tongue as I slowly drank from the clean pool. The golden color of the trees reflected perfectly in the lake, which danced with each disturbance. Suddenly a small animal appeared in the reflection. Looking up I saw a young male rabbit having a morning drink, completely oblivious to the new dwellers of the lake. Moving slowly from the water, I began to move around the lake, staying close to the ground, stalking him. He did not turn to run until I was on his side of the bank. Then he bolted towards the forest. It was too late for him, in a few moments he was lying, pinned to the ground by my claws. I felt sorry for the young buck, but my hunger outweighed my compassion. As I carried my catch up to the cave I thought, ‘Does everything exist to feed or serve another? If so, than for what purpose do I exist. Am I the servant or the feed? For whom do I exist?’ I shook my head violently, forgetting, for a moment, the young meat in my mouth, and I felt the young coney’s blood hot on my tongue. ‘No! The rabbit was lame, he had it coming. I only killed him for our continued survival,’ I thought, and that was the end of it.

Although I had spotted the rabbit on the opposite side of the lake from the cave, and had henceforth chased it towards the woods, it was still not a very long walk back up to the cave. When I reached the mouth of the cave I noticed Leina was watching me from the landing above the cavern. Backtracking I began the ascend to Leina’s level. She licked her lips ravenously and began panting when she saw me with the bloody meat trapped in my jaws. To show her joy she dropped to the dusty ground and began rolling around. The dead rabbit dropped with my jaws, even though we were paired I had yet to see all of her. Even yesterday, when she had jumped me, her lower regions had been obscured by darkness. Her body was the very meaning of vixen, and as my eyes trailed down her body, I noticed, from the glistening, that she was very much in heat. When I realized this I was amazed last night had turned out as it had. I knew, without thinking anymore, that she was ready and I was ready. And in the few minutes before I made my move I was once again urged differently by my instincts, ‘To Hell with instincts, I want her to enjoy this!’

When I walked over to her side she stopped wiggling around and looked into my eyes. There seemed to me a passionate fire burning in the depth of her eyes, as if I was looking into her own fiery soul through her dark blue pupils. After I fell upon her, all I could hear was Leina moaning, "GODSSSSS!"

I lay next to her, licking her silky ears clean of dirt, grime, and dried sweat. Leina, my lover, was lying next to the spoiled meat, her eyes fluttering. She was still slightly dazed from mating, and I knew somewhere inside of her, my seed was forming our future. Soon, we would know for sure if she was pregnant. Not that there was any question in my mind, after all we had been mating for almost three days straight. Her sex drive was extreme. My licking seemed to bring her back to a semi-conscious state. She sniffed the air around us and asked, "God! What is that awful stench?"

"I don’t know," I responded. "It could be the meat. We did leave it untouched for a couple of days."

"Or it could be us," she answered laughing. She sighed and became serious again, "Mock, everything will be different now, won’t it?"

I smiled down at her, but my smile soon fell into a serious frown as I continued, "Yes, it will be."

"Good, I have no regrets of the life we have started or what we’ve left behind," Leina answered smiling again. "No regrets."

I could not resist returning the smile to her; this was the first time she had appeared completely happy since that night, "Yes. No regrets."

Moving over to the spoiled meat, I began kicking it towards the edge of the outcrop and let it plummet into the water below. Leina came up behind me and sniffed at the air again, "Yuck! It still smells!" she commented, then she began sniffing my hind quarters, "EWWW! You need a bath; you smell like a dead skunk!"

"Hey! I am not the one who got me into this mess! You were the one who kept us going at ‘it’ until you were completely satisfied. Even if I was only half hard," I answered.

"MOCK! How very unkind! That was a very mean thing to say to a lady!" Leina said in artificial dignity.

Moving around her I said, "You know what will cause all this smell to go away?"

"What?"

"A nice cool bath!" I answered ramming her over the edge into the lake; I jumped in shortly after.

I landed with a splash and continued downward until the momentum I had built up dispersed in the swirling water. As I kicked my way back up to the surface I noticed that the light trailed off far above me and was now only a lucid glow, illuminating some areas while leaving others in complete darkness. Starting to panic I kicked my hind legs until I broke the surface. I saw that Leina had already made her way to the other side and was in the process of pulling herself up. It was in that moment that my heart almost stopped, I could see that her skin tightly clinging to her bones. Although it had been only a few days since we had eaten it must have seemed a lifetime for her, especially with the traveling and biological processes she had been going through. Her true form must have been hidden by the perfume of her heat. But now, as she had come out of season I saw her for her true form. Soon, I began to feel as she must and it took an unusual amount of energy to make it to the bank. Halfway there I began to feel like I was being weighted down and I used my last ounce of strength to pull myself up onto the bank next to where Leina lay rasping. Before my eyes close I said to Leina, "We need food."

Then I fell silent to the ground and I saw nothing more. Suddenly I was up again and could see everything; my vision was impaired by nothing. As I began to look down I was shocked to see my body still lying on the bank next to Leina. I could also see her hips rising and falling and mine were completely still. I panicked. I had died and now Leina was left to die alone in an unfamiliar place. As I looked at her, her skin began to become transparent and I could see her insides, everything from her empty stomach to empty bladder. With my new vision two things stole my attention: our pups growing in Leina’s womb, and a lone wolf heading straight for the clearing.

I urged my soul back. There was no way Leina could take a wolf, and I was not about to abandon our pups and her life to a piece of riff-raff. I could also feel the thoughts in the area and the thoughts of the wolf as he entered the clearing and first spotted the half-dead vixen.

I screamed as I heard what the wolf was thinking. "NO! Not yet! I can’t die yet! I am not ready to join them! Leina needs me!" I cried into oblivion as I saw the wolf making his move, charging straight to Leina’s rear, "My… pups need me!" and with that final protest I felt my body and gravity once again.

I was up in a second, snarling at the wolf, no longer feeling hunger. He had dragged Leina, who was dazed, towards the forest and was presently mounting her. Not able to watch Leina being raped by the wolf, I charged and grabbed the wolf around his neck. I pulled and yanked, praying to the gods to help me pry the wolf from Leina’s back before his thrusting landed him anywhere inside her. The wolf, apparently annoyed, yanked his neck away from my teeth and continued thrusting his hips. Leina screamed loudly. Her scream echoed in my ear; her pain poured into my consciousness. Rearing up I sprang at the wolf again and clamped my jaws around his throat. I began clamping my teeth down around him, feasting on his blood and life. My bite was deep and the wolf groaned softly and stopped thrusting, giving Leina the chance she needed to get out from under his body. That was when I sprang on top of him. I rolled him onto his back and began ripping him apart. As my claws ripped through sinew and flesh I felt the hunger again and let go of the wolf’s neck. He was dead, I had killed another living creature, and no matter the circumstance I never want to take a life again. ‘In a way, this wolf appearing was kind of a good thing, after all both of us are hungry and here is meat. He attacked us but we will live because of him,’ I thought, and I silently thanked the wolf and knew I would not forget his sacrifice, even if it was against his will.

Leina lay quivering by the water, her fur matted with blood and wolf seed. As I approached Leina she calmed slightly and fully let go of her fear as I began to clean her fur. The taste was horrid, and I knew I would cough all of this mixture up. However, I was not about to let Leina do this herself. It was surprising that most of the blood was not Leina’s. Only around her neck was there any trace of her blood and I realized why she had cried out. The wolf had not entered her, but, rather, broke the skin around her neck.

I tried my best to clean her filthy fur, but I was unable to free her of the wolf’s essence. Nuzzling her up I guided her into the lake. The water was cold, almost too cold, and Leina began to whine as the water washed over her cuts. Doing my best again, I licked at her fur through the water, cleaning her from blood and seed. As I finished, I pushed Leina’s shivering body up onto the shore. "Leina?" I asked.

Leina’s lips were quivering from fear and cold, but she did not answer. Letting her lie down I climbed on top of her hoping to warm her with my body. As she felt my weight on top of her she screamed and kicked out violently, narrowly missing my lower body. I leaped off her and whispered calm words in her ears.

It took a couple of minutes to fully calm her. She looked tired, and I had thought she had looked pretty sick before the attack, but now, she could barely move. Leaving her there to rest I moved to the wolf carcass and began dragging its body to where Leina was. She tried to bite into the meat, but she just could not find the strength to tear and chew. "Leina, don’t try to do something if you do not have the energy. That is why I am here; I must keep you alive," I whispered softly in her ear.

Using my claws I tore open the beaten carcass and took the first bite from the wolf. Chewing the meat thoroughly I slipped the meat into Leina’s mouth. She chewed a little bit to get the nutritious juices from inside the meat moving in her mouth and then swallowed. For a few moments she lay there without moving. Then she looked up at me, pleading for more meat. Not wanting to do anything but please her I repeated the process, not letting one piece of meat, sinew, bone, or blood, slip past my throat until Leina was fed.

For the next few days I went hunting around the lake, never going out of sight of Leina for fears belonging to myself. During this time I survived on water and leftovers. I refused my body rest, and at all times did not allow myself to show the fatigue and hunger I felt. There was also a strange silence. Even though Leina was too weak to really move she was still strong enough to talk. It was as if something had driven us apart. The hiatus worried me. Not only were her hurts and pain hidden, but also her feelings. I also began to wonder if Leina was in the process of thinking about leaving me and killing her kits. This fret soon became an obsession and I was so wrapped up in it I began thinking it was true. So on the third day since the wolf attack I went foraging for a weed, which I brought back with a squirrel to Leina. Leina was now strong enough to move and as I approached she sat up. When I put the weed down she stared blankly at it. Then she spoke, "Mock, why are you feeding me a weed?"

"Eat it," I said in response, cringing as I lied, "It’ll make you better."

She sniffed a little suspiciously then looked up at me, her eyes tearing. "Mock! Why would you do this to me? Are so naïve that you would just give me baneweed to make me feel better? If I ate this it would kill me and OUR kits! Is that what you want?" she cried.

Shifting uncomfortably I responded, "You wouldn’t talk to me. I figured you no longer wanted them and were mad at me for mating with you. And…and you were mad enough to leave me."

She looked at me strangely, "Mock, you’ve changed. Ever since that morning," she said referring to the day following our passionate mating. "Something happened to you and died. With you went my heart. Everything since then has been like a dream to me. I’ve never had a second thought about anything I have done in my life. And neither should you! Remember what we said that day? ‘No regrets.’ And now I am believing that you are the one having second thoughts!" she screamed. "After all the only reason you came back was to prevent me from dying. And now you want to kill me so you can go back to your pathetic death world, where you can be free from pain and sorrow, as well as love and happiness, and life! I thought you had changed since that day, but you still think love isn’t real. Love is a physical feeling, it is as much a part of you as your tail, whiskers, nose, legs! We are consumed by it. Love causes pain, without pain there could be no love. Now I do not know your past, but what I do know is that it is in your past. It is no longer a part of the life you lead with me now. Welcome to your new life! Nothing before now matters! LET IT GO! Anything that was told to you by friends families, or enemies, that goes completely against all sense and reason. Just forget it all!"

I was quite unsure of myself. ‘What am I supposed to do? Feel? Am I supposed to be upset, saddened? Or should I be angry at her for prying into my past?’ I thought, and without answering her, I found myself already yards away, running away.

My instincts flew with my body as I gave into them, which had told me to flee long before. Now they won and I was springing through trees, over streams and rocks. I never wanted to stop; the fear and anguish were lost in my muddled mind. No longer did I feel sorrow or guilt, and for a few precious moments I forgot altogether Leina and my life. At the moment I remembered her, though, my feet came to a sudden and immediate stop, as if all of a sudden my memory was drawing the string between us taught. Everything that had happened surged through my mind with the realization of what I had truly done. I turned around and ran. That was when it occurred to me, it had been a month since I had last done this. With all that had happened I cursed the gods for their condemnation of my life.

It took me longer to get back and the full moon yielded the only light in the dark night. I looked all around for Leina but she no longer was lying in the spot I had left her in. ‘She must’ve moved up to the cave,’ I thought, out of breath from running, and looked around for the weed; I could not find it.

I began walking leisurely up to the cave figuring she had just kicked the weed into the lake. Everything around me was quiet, no crickets chirped and no owls hooted. The wind was not even blowing, leaving a stagnant and humid air, which was odd for the time of year. All of these came together to form an eerie atmosphere, creating thus a lurid foreboding sense of disaster, or good, transpired in my mind. Something was about to happen for good or ill.

As I entered the cave I called out, "Leina!" There was no response.

I continued forth into the cave and headed to the back of the cave looking for Leina. When I found her curled up in sleep, I sighed, for everything was right in the world now. When I lay down next to her, desiring only to feel her warmth and hear her breathing. I was shocked. She was not only cold but also no breath uttered from her lips. Moving around I began poking and prodding her body, trying to get her to move, to breathe. She was not responding and I fell on top of her, crying, my desperate tears streaming down my muzzle and soaking the fur surrounding her. Out of grief I began licking her head continually. Tasting her lifeless form, desiring her to lick back. Her fur became salty from the hot tears staining her body, as my tongue spread the drops over her eyes, nose, and mouth. ‘How could this have happened?’ I thought, ‘We were happy and then…and then this had to happen. What did I do to cause this?’

Not knowing what to do I laid down on top of Leina and slept, for I was tired from the extreme grief I felt for the loss of Leina.

"Mock! Wake up!" a voice called, and I slowly got up, thinking Leina was calling me, forgetting for a moment she was dead.

"Bitch! When I say 'get up', listen," the voice responded, kicking me.

I turned to the direction of the masculine voice. There stood a big fox, completely white, the color of the North. "Yes, Father?"

All of a sudden I no longer had a memory, I knew my name, my family, my tribe, and my place with in the tribe, and that was all. "Bitch! For once in your god damned life listen to me!" Father said kicking me violently a second time.

I wilted under his gaze and pushed myself to the rocky bottom of the cave, showing complete submission. "What the Hell do you think your lazy ass should be doing, bitch!"

That was his official way of calling me, it was the only reason I was still alive. So far I had been the only kit of his to survive--most of the others could not stand the repeated abuse and were frightened to the point that he had killed them. Moving from my crouched position I left the recesses of the cave and climbed out into the morning air. The sun was beginning to rise, but even that could not improve the look of our land. Everything was dead or dying, there was not a spot of green for miles, and this was the Wasteland, the land where we were the only ones capable of surviving. Living off various carrion birds and scavenging the land for any kind of food. It was in that ability that we were able to live. Other foxes would not be able to stomach the grass and foliage that we are forced to eat in hard times. As the sunlight lit the valley a flame I saw my mother, a lovely vixen, sitting upon a rock at the far end of the land. Anyone who knew her could recognize her from far away because, as it was said by all foxes, she was the most beautiful and luscious vixen to have ever lived. Any other animal who did not know her would have thought her a goddess. However, every fox knew there was no such thing as gods. As I sat and watched her, I wondered why she would have ever given her body to that malicious bastard of a fox.

My father was a white fox from the snowy lands of the North. It was said that he had fought his way into the position he held within the tribe, unlike the normal way of the fox, by trickery. There were now none who opposed him, or none that enjoyed his tyrannical rule. The only aspect of his entire existence that was liked by others was his white fur. I did not even like it. The mating between a russet fox and a white fox, the only possible ending of the coupling would be a freak like me, half and half. Instead of being black in the normal pattern of a fox, the paws, muzzle, and tip of the bushy tail, I was white, and even my dark red fur had flakes of silvery white mixed into my coat. At first I thought that that was what my father found so physically attracting about me. I was what he wanted to find in his bitches but could not. Everyone knew what my father would do with me when he was not sleeping with every female in his tribe. No one would say anything to him, but I was heavily criticized and that was what my father enjoyed the most. Seeing me being ridiculed by everyone in the tribe was what he enjoyed the most, short of his own abuse of me. Everyone, but short one person, my mother. She was free from everything, as everyone held her in the highest regard. My father could not touch her, but if he caught me talking with her he would take it out on my mind and body later. I was brought out of my memory loss by the feel of hot breath on the back of my neck. The now familiar weight of my father mounting me fell on my back. His hot breath whispered in my ear, "Well. Wonder what they all would say if they saw me and you right now? You have yourself quite a little dilemma bitch. For let’s not forget for males to mate is not right, and it us even more wrong for males to mate in front of others. But they could do nothing to me; you, however, it's quite different. They can do what ever they want to you and I won’t stop them."

"Father! Please don’t do this to me!" I pleaded.

My plea fell on deaf ears as he began thrusting his hips trying to find my entrance. I screamed as he entered me. My eyes teared and I could not see out of them correctly. All I could see was the entire tribe, spread across the field, staring at me. I felt the familiar pain and that was it, he had tied himself to me. I could feel his slobber from his mouth dripping down onto my coat and I felt utterly disgusted with myself. My father then yanked hard, ripping himself out of me. I howled in pain, and fell to the ground. Everything was black, my vision dulled, and I once again slipped into unconsciousness.

"Mock?" a voice asked.

I could recognize it, but not name it. The voice was sweet and rang of vixen. Opening my eyes I saw a vixen standing there. But where was there? I looked around me and saw nothing. Then my eyes turned back to the vixen and she smiled. "I have been waiting for you. Here is the place where time does not exist, where nothing and everything are one in the same. You know who I am, and I know you. I know what you really all. And to you I give a gift; receive it well. In time you will know how to use at your will."

All I could do was stare into her eyes; they seemed empty, as if devoid of a soul. Then I felt something warm and comforting, but also cold and depressing, entered me. "Now, Mock, return to your world, and always remember your past, no matter how painful it might be. For when you forget your heritage you will no longer be able to protect her."

I felt my eyes cloud and they darkened. My mind slipped into unconsciousness once again.

I woke startled by the dreams, I did not normally dream, and I could remember every little detail, from the pain of my rape, to the comfort of the motherly vixen. Pushing myself up, I moved to the entrance of the cave and looked at the cascading water. "Mock, you have finally awoken."

I turned around quickly and saw Leina standing there, alive. "What…happened?"

Leina stared blankly at me, "What do you mean? You have been sleeping for three nights."

I still stood there dumbfounded by how the events had transpired. "When I got back you were dead!" I managed to cry.

I was unsure of what I should do. I knew I should be feeling happy and thankful that she was still alive, but my anger washed over all of those feelings. My tears came swiftly and Leina looked at me confused. "Mock, what’s wrong?"

I could not find the will to respond and curled up in a ball of fur underneath the waterfall, the droplets spilling onto my tear stained coat. Leina stood there staring at me as if I were some horrible thing she did not know what to do with. "Mock, everything is alright," she said soothingly as she staggered to my side.

"Here, let me clean you up, you are dreadful. What were you dreaming about? It was me wasn’t it? If not then tell me who this whoreish vixen is?" she said as she began to lick at the fur matted around my crotch.

New tears burst out of my eyes as I remembered the dream and the earlier part of my life. How my father would rape me in front of the tribe in such away that caused me the most amount of pain, and him the most amount of pleasure. While at the same time he made sure I got off as well, so it would appear to the tribe I enjoyed to be mounted my another male. I cried out sharply as Leina’s tongue found my sheath, trying her best to clean the fur. Rising to my feet I moved to bolt away, but Leina was quicker and she soon had me pinned down. "No! Please! Father not again!" I screamed in my delirium, lashing out left and right, trying to fight off Leina.

I felt the pressure of the body lift and a single word uttered from Leina’s muzzle, "What?"

I moved to run away again, but Leina latched her teeth into my fur, holding me back. "Mock! Answer me! What about your father?" she questioned again.

I shook my head, refusing to speak. "No! I can’t! I can’t tell you! I don’t want to remember that time!" I screamed.

I turned to look at Leina’s face, which grew into understanding. "Your dreams. They weren’t about me or some slutty vixen. It was about your father wasn’t it?" she answered. "Oh, Mock! I don’t know what I can do. The pups are due in a season, and how can we survive unless you bury your past! If you do not confront these memories and push them out of the way, you won’t be a good father to our little ones! They are gonna look up to you as their father and fellow fox!"